Thursday, July 15, 2004

Wow! 10:am already.... or is that , gee, its only 10:am?

Guess it depends on how you look at it.

Been thinking about my life. . . such as it is.

See, I am in this self-imposed empty shell right now, and I rarely have contact with people. Actually, I am very hesitant to approach people because it seems as if, no matter what, I end up being misunderstood and hurt. So about 3 years ago, I wrapped myself up in a very thick concrete wall, and its still here.
I learned how to not need anyone. I learned how to simply not answer the phone until it finally stopped ringing. I finally had it disconnected as I didnt use it. I quit 'going out' with my friends. Online friends? I have kept in touch with two. Two out of the dozens I used to have. The two, Kev and Chris, dont agree with my self-imposed walls, but they still love me and understand when I go thru weeks of withdrawl.
So I sit back and wonder why? Why did I do this to myself? Am I ready to get out of it? Am I ready to actually consider going somewhere else other than the grocery store???
And I have no real answers. Sometimes I get very lonely. Thats when I grab a book or watch a movie. I have made it sooooo easy on myself to be alone. I often feel that I am content this way.
Lately, I'm finding my own walls harder to maintain.

Jovianne ~ 9:07 AM


24 Links Lottsa Links Just Some Pics: